From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it. I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that. If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. I intend to live forever, or die trying. Whatever it is, I’m against it. Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other 999 follow women. She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. Room service? Send up a larger room. Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. Marriage is a wonderful institution…but who wants to live in an institution? Do you mind if I don’t smoke? I must admit, I was born at an early age. Groucho You know I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world? The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished. Before I speak, I have something important to say. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. Was that you or the duck? Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. All people are born alike… except Republicans and Democrats. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, and I’m going to be happy in it. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Thoughts to Inspire Success in Your Life and Business