Crazy Status In English For Facebook

It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.
The purple monkeys are out to get me…I swear they are. They have teamed up the the sock eating garden gnomes…they are trying to invade my bubble wrap fort.
I’m so awesome that I wish I could be you, just so I could hang out with me!
Totally available! Please disturb me…
May this Christmas be so special that you never ever feel lonely again and be surrounded by loved ones!
Silence is the loudest words you can speak sometimes when you want to be heard more.
We live in a society were pizza gets to your house before police
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
Eat – Sleep – Regret – Repeat.
I will marry the girl, who looks pretty in her Adhaar card.
It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.
One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp and his wife added last seen feature…
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
Love is that state of mind when a Karan Johar film becomes bearable.
Don’t settle for good. Demand Great!
Second chances are for losers, either we do it in first place or live it for others.
We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Don’t settle for good. Demand Great!
I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as ‘Free Recharge’
It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.
One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
Relationship Status: Looking for a FREE WiFi connection.
I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I have time ……. lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. 
Waiting for Wi-Fi Network…
After marriage, the other man’s wife looks more beautiful.
Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
I’m soo poor… I can’t even pay attention
OK, I laughed often (got stared at), I loved harder (one new restraining order), and I danced like no one was watching,.. THAT was when they locked me up! HELP!
That awkward moment when the awkward moment get even more awkward!
You don’t have to like me… I am not a facebook status.
I’m looking for bank loans which can perform two things…Give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.
I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
A dog will love you more then your wife… Don’t believe me? Lock both in the trunk of your car for an hour then see which one will be happy to see you.
Don’t settle for good. Demand Great!
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!